Usually, in this space, I wear my “rabbi’s hat,” trying to deeply contemplate the spiritual needs that come up in our modern world, then juxtapose them with the wisdom offered by our ancestors in our sacred and rabbinic texts. But today’s message is different. Today, I have my “mom hat” on.
With that in mind, let’s talk about the practicalities of Hanukkah and what works in our household of four kids, a dog, a collection of fish, and a snail named Napoleon.
Decorations: Bringing Light into Our Home
I don’t know if it is growing up in a semi-Southern household filled with Hanukkah decorations at this time of year or seeing the amount of tinsel that happens in Israel during Sukkot, but I love a good Hanukkah decoration. As the season becomes darker, it is comforting to remind ourselves that we have the power to bring light and brightness into our lives and our spaces. Crafts, decorations, and garlands have all been draped around our home as we prepare for the eight-day celebration.
Presents: Intentional Gift Giving for Hanukkah
Presents are a mostly North American custom at Hanukkah. That is not to say that there aren’t plenty of wonderful traditions of general present giving—like Mishloach Manot at Purim—or the Sephardi Hanukkah tradition of giving actual, non-chocolate gelt (coins) for tzedakah in this season.
When my very Israeli husband experienced his first American Hanukkah as a father with his very Virginian wife here in California, there was a – shall we say – mismatch of expectations for what this holiday “traditionally” looks like. This led to many conversations and highlighted for me the importance of being intentional about our gift giving to our children.
What grew out of this was a series of themes for each night. Some of this is out of practicality—four kids times eight nights is a lot to keep track of. Some of this reflects our desire to give gifts that embody our values, intentions, and joys.
Some years, this looks like a double cycle of “something you want, something you need, something to share, and something to read.” Other years, we have an art night, a science night, an adventure night, a friends-and-family night, an edible treats night (sufganiyot!), an “enrichment classes for the next semester” night, a tzedakah night, a games night… and you get the idea. Not every night needs a present, and not every family has gift-giving customs like ours. But creating a spreadsheet with themes for each night helped my children temper their expectations and made gift planning easier and more meaningful.
As the kids have gotten older, I’ve included them in the practice. A few years ago, I noticed that we were not doing a great job giving and receiving gifts with the grace I value. Now, each child is assigned one sibling to give a gift to. They are given a budget, a timeline, and—after one year of shrugging and asking for cash—an instruction that gift cards are not an option.
Important Seasonal Conversations
I wrote an article years ago that I still stand by. This time of year, Jewish families are given an incredible opportunity to set the groundwork for vital conversations around privacy, consent, and secrets in ways that young children can start to understand.
Rabbi Lauren
