Opening Teaching: Learning to See Beneath Our Actions
By this point in our journey, we have cultivated a set of quiet but powerful capacities. We have learned to notice (Zehirut), to stay (Savlanut), to come into right relationship with what is (Menuchat HaNefesh), and to build structures that support the lives we are shaping (Seder). This is a lot of internal work; and as this week also honors the celebration of Lag B’Omer (the 36th day of the Omer), I hope you take a moment to reflect on this meaningful journey through your inner wilderness.
As we reach this moment of reflection, a new question begins to emerge: What is actually guiding the choices we make within those structures? Two people can take the same action — for example: offer help, speak up, remain silent — and yet be coming from entirely different places. One may be acting from an inner motivation of presence and care. Another may be operating from a place of fear, control, or the desire to be seen by others in a certain way. Outwardly, the action looks the same. Inwardly, this same action serves something else entirely.The middah of Tohar invites us to gently turn inward and ask: What is beneath what I am doing?
Tohar is often translated as purity, but in the Mussar tradition, it is possible to interpret and translate this middah a little more expansively. This value is less about classical interpretations of holiness and ritual cleanliness; instead, it is more about clarity. It is the work of aligning our inner motivations with our outer actions — not perfectly, but increasingly, honestly. As King David prays, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Psalms 51:12), pointing to an inner state of alignment and sincerity. Similarly, the prophet Micah teaches that what is asked of us is “to do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8), suggesting that the integrity of our inner posture should be inseparable from the actions we take.
This is not a call to harsh self-judgment. It is an invitation to compassionate self-awareness. The Talmud teaches: *“The Merciful One desires the heart.”*¹ Not only what we do, but the place from which we do it matters. Intention does not replace action—but it gives action its depth, its integrity, its meaning.
We see a beautiful expression of this in the story of Rebecca (Rivka). When Abraham’s servant arrives at the well, he asks for a sign: that the right person will offer not only water for him, but also for his camels. Rebecca appears, and without hesitation, she responds — drawing water again and again, until all are cared for.²
It is easy to focus on the action itself: generosity, hospitality, kindness. But the Torah lingers on the way she acts. She responds quickly, attentively, fully. There is no sense of calculation, no hesitation, no performative quality. Her actions flow from a place of internal clarity around how she is able to act on her values.
In the context of practicing the trait of Tohar, Rebecca’s story suggests that she is in clear alignment around how she lives out the values of generosity, hospitality, and kindness. So much so, that it is easy for her to take quick and decisive action. This raises some important practice questions for us in our own lives. For example: if generosity is important to us, how does that show up in how we allot our resources, like our time, our budgets, our talents? Tohar gives us space to consider how we can practice this values-into-action alignment in our own lives.
In order to do this well, we exercise Tohar, or clarity, into our own hearts. We often imagine that we act based on conscious choice, but much of our behavior is shaped by underlying motivations. Some of these motivations are clear and easily visible, but some are hidden, instinctual, and unconscious. We may act out of a desire to be helpful, but also out of a need for approval. We may remain silent out of patience, or fear. We may act decisively out of understanding, or urgency.
The work of Tohar is not to eliminate complexity. It is to become more aware of it. Approaches such as values-based action in contemporary psychology suggest that when we align our behavior with our deeper values—rather than with fear, avoidance, or external pressure—we experience greater coherence and well-being.³ This does not mean that we always feel certain. It means that our actions begin to reflect who we understand ourselves to be.
And yet, like all middot, Tohar lives in a balance.
In its extremes, too little attention to achieving Tohar, and we move through life unconsciously — reacting, performing, or following patterns we have not examined. On the other end, if we overly focus on our intentions, we risk becoming paralyzed — overanalyzing every choice, questioning every impulse, unsure how to move forward. As with so many Mussar middot or traits, we ask ourselves how we can live well-balanced on this spectrum, grounded in the space between: between clarity and humility, between intention and action, between reflection and trust. This balancing practice invites us not to perfect our motivations, but to refine them. This refinement happens slowly. We begin to notice when we are acting out of feelings that do not serve us. We begin to recognize when we are seeking approval, simply for its own sake. We begin to sense when something in us feels uncomfortable because we have yet to grow into that moment or if it feels uncomfortable because this action is not aligned with who we hope to become. So, over time, we make small adjustments. We pause. We choose again. We act from a slightly clearer place.
At its core, Tohar is an act of honesty. It is not meant to be a harsh honesty, but a compassionate one. It is not a cruel self-interrogation, but a gentle turning inward. This middah reminds us that while we cannot always control what happens around us, we can begin to deeply understand the place within us from which we respond. And in doing so, we do more than change our actions. Practicing this middah is a skill that enables us to better align our lives with our core values. It enables us to see easily and clearly when our actions are truly a reflection of our best selves or when we need to seek deeper understanding and alignment. It is an exercise of seeing clearly into our own souls.
Footnotes
- Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 106b.
- Genesis 24:17–20.
- See Steven C. Hayes, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: The Process and Practice of Mindful Change (New York: Guilford Press, 2012), on values-based action and psychological flexibility.
Week 5: Tohar — Daily Journal Practice (Clarity of Intention)
Day 1 — Learning the First Side: Noticing Intention
Tohar begins the same way so much of our work begins: with noticing. Before we change our choices or our actions, we learn to understand our motivations, to more deeply see the push behind the choices that are already there.
The Talmud reminds us that “the Merciful One desires the heart”¹. This invites us to pay attention not only to what we do, but to the place from which we do it.
Journal Prompts:
- Think of one action you took today. What was your intention behind it?
- What motivations felt clear? Which felt less clear or more complex?
- Where in your day did your actions feel aligned with your values? What “felt good” in your core?
- Where did something feel slightly “off,” even if the action itself seemed right?
Day 2 — Learning the Balancing Side: Reflection and Trust
Tohar asks us to reflect, but not to become stuck. Too little reflection, and we act unconsciously. Too much reflection, and we become paralyzed.
The practice is to find the balance between awareness and movement.
Journal Prompts:
- When do I tend to act without reflecting?
- When do I overthink my actions or intentions?
- What does it feel like in my body when I am in balance — aware, but still able to move forward?
- What might it look like to trust myself a little more in my decision-making?
Day 3 — Experimenting with Practice: Pausing Before Action
Today, we practice inserting a small moment of awareness before action. Before responding, speaking, or choosing, take a breath and pause to ask: What is guiding me right now?
This is not about finding a perfect answer.
It is about creating space for clarity.
Journal Prompts:
- When did I remember to pause today?
- What did I notice about my intention in that moment?
- Did the pause shift my action at all?
- What made it easier or harder to pause?
Day 4 — Trying a Different Angle: Values in Action
Rebecca’s story reminds us that clarity of intention often shows up as alignment between values and action.²
Today, choose one value that matters to you (e.g., kindness, honesty, generosity, courage). Notice how it appears — or doesn’t — in your day.
Journal Prompts:
- What value did I focus on today?
- Where did I see this value expressed in my actions?
- Where did I struggle to live into it?
- What helps me act from this value more naturally?
Day 5 — Designing a Personal Practice: Clarifying Your “Why”
Tohar deepens when we become more intentional about what drives us. Today, choose one area of your life to explore more deeply:
- a relationship
- a recurring decision
- a responsibility or role
Ask yourself: Why do I act this way here?
Journal Prompts:
- What motivations are present in this area of my life?
- Which of these feel aligned with who I want to be?
- Which feel driven by fear, pressure, or habit?
- What would a more aligned intention look like?
Day 6 — Taking the First Step: Choosing Again
Tohar is not about getting it right the first time. It is about noticing and understanding your intentions — and then choosing your actions in a way that more closely aligns with that intent. Today, when you notice a misalignment between your intention and your action, gently adjust.
Journal Prompts:
- When did I notice a misalignment today?
- Was I able to shift my actions, even slightly?
- What helped me make a different choice?
- What did I learn about my patterns?
Day 7 — Shabbat Reflection: Living with Integrity
Shabbat offers us a moment to step back and reflect.
Not to judge.
Not to perfect.
But to notice.
Tohar invites us into a life of increasing integrity, where our actions, our values, and our intentions begin to move together.
Reflection Prompts:
- What did I learn this week about my intentions?
- When did I feel most aligned between my inner and outer life?
- Where am I being invited to grow in clarity?
- What is one intention I want to carry into the coming week?
Optional:
- Write about a moment this week when you felt proud of how you showed up.
Footnotes
- Babylonian Talmud, Sanhedrin 106b.
- Genesis 24:17–20.
